I'm researching hotels for a January trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico, and in doing so I've discovered a new place to mine for creative writing ideas. That's right, online hotel reviews. Ever have trouble coming up with original detail in your work? Need a jump start on ideas for setting? Hit Tripadvisor, Expedia, Travelocity, and you'll find they've got all that and more.
But of course it's the BAD hotels that provide the most delicious details. And my new personal favorite hotel in the universe is a resort property "on the beach" in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
This hotel may or may not provide you with a clean room. This hotel may or may not provide you with a room at all, even after you are confirmed. This hotel may, according to those who have stayed there, best be described as a scientific retreat for the Pasteur set, with ample mold to keep you company during your stay. But the reviews themselves are the prize here, not the hotel:
From Expedia.com: "The hotal room was dripping with water as if the walls were sweating..."
Sweating walls! Excellent original detail!
"...the walls dripped so much water it made the beds wet..."
Now there's a waterfront property for you. Let's think about this for a minute. If the walls dripped so much the bed got wet, does that mean that water was literally leaping off the walls onto the bed? How does that work? And keep in mind this is not the only traveler to report this phenomenon. I say it's time to call NASA and get some top brains on this.
"...on my fourth day of the trip and there was no water at all i had to wait until the afternoon to go out because i could not take a cold shower..."
Now I'm not sure what the complain is here. Obviously there was plenty of water coming out of the walls, so one would be expected to take one's shower in bed.
Let's see what other travelers have to say about this same hotel. From our friends at Tripadvisor (good site, by the way):
"it was a hoodlumm spot for the locals!!!!!"
Ah -ha! Now we have some characters to add to our story. As the walls sweat in the Puerto Rican heat, the hoodlums - presumably out of West Side Story - have taken over the reception desk (multiple reviews report that the staff are entirely teenagers. How odd is that? Staffing an entire major resort hotel with teenagers? Is this perhaps the set of some new Disney Channel Spanish language series? "The Suite Life" with Maria y Carlos?).
"When we first arrived, we entered our rooms, to find the overwhelming stench of mold and mildew slap us in the face."
Smell is always a fantastic original detail, isn't it? Excellent.
To this an employee of the hotel (one of the teenagers perhaps?) responds with the following: "we are currently undergoing renovations." Well, that's a shame then. Would hate to lose all this original detail. But at least in the short term, The Very Bad Hotel amuses its guests by using the construction to shut down all the facilities at the resort and shutting off all the hot water to the guest rooms.
In addition, The Very Bad Hotel apparently lost its beach - the beach washed away. This intrigues me, this idea of the "Lost Beach." Where did it go? Is it in Jamaica, sipping on a nice rum? Was this hotel SO BAD that the beach itself became dissatisfied and had to leave? Questions I will never answer, as I will be avoiding The Very Bad Hotel.
PS - Just noticed that Trip Advisor has a "Best and Worst" feature on its front page. Every time you open it you get a best and worst review snippet. The one up right now includes the phrase, "There were dead bugs all over our wall." Splendid!
But of course it's the BAD hotels that provide the most delicious details. And my new personal favorite hotel in the universe is a resort property "on the beach" in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
This hotel may or may not provide you with a clean room. This hotel may or may not provide you with a room at all, even after you are confirmed. This hotel may, according to those who have stayed there, best be described as a scientific retreat for the Pasteur set, with ample mold to keep you company during your stay. But the reviews themselves are the prize here, not the hotel:
From Expedia.com: "The hotal room was dripping with water as if the walls were sweating..."
Sweating walls! Excellent original detail!
"...the walls dripped so much water it made the beds wet..."
Now there's a waterfront property for you. Let's think about this for a minute. If the walls dripped so much the bed got wet, does that mean that water was literally leaping off the walls onto the bed? How does that work? And keep in mind this is not the only traveler to report this phenomenon. I say it's time to call NASA and get some top brains on this.
"...on my fourth day of the trip and there was no water at all i had to wait until the afternoon to go out because i could not take a cold shower..."
Now I'm not sure what the complain is here. Obviously there was plenty of water coming out of the walls, so one would be expected to take one's shower in bed.
Let's see what other travelers have to say about this same hotel. From our friends at Tripadvisor (good site, by the way):
"it was a hoodlumm spot for the locals!!!!!"
Ah -ha! Now we have some characters to add to our story. As the walls sweat in the Puerto Rican heat, the hoodlums - presumably out of West Side Story - have taken over the reception desk (multiple reviews report that the staff are entirely teenagers. How odd is that? Staffing an entire major resort hotel with teenagers? Is this perhaps the set of some new Disney Channel Spanish language series? "The Suite Life" with Maria y Carlos?).
"When we first arrived, we entered our rooms, to find the overwhelming stench of mold and mildew slap us in the face."
Smell is always a fantastic original detail, isn't it? Excellent.
To this an employee of the hotel (one of the teenagers perhaps?) responds with the following: "we are currently undergoing renovations." Well, that's a shame then. Would hate to lose all this original detail. But at least in the short term, The Very Bad Hotel amuses its guests by using the construction to shut down all the facilities at the resort and shutting off all the hot water to the guest rooms.
In addition, The Very Bad Hotel apparently lost its beach - the beach washed away. This intrigues me, this idea of the "Lost Beach." Where did it go? Is it in Jamaica, sipping on a nice rum? Was this hotel SO BAD that the beach itself became dissatisfied and had to leave? Questions I will never answer, as I will be avoiding The Very Bad Hotel.
PS - Just noticed that Trip Advisor has a "Best and Worst" feature on its front page. Every time you open it you get a best and worst review snippet. The one up right now includes the phrase, "There were dead bugs all over our wall." Splendid!
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