In a previous life, I spent a summer as a cave guide at Oregon Caves National Monument, back before they went to having rangers do that job. Oregon Caves is a treasure, a marble-based cave with a high level of geological diversity, a long and challenging standard tour for the public,
and plenty of gorgeous formations and creepy passageways to keep everyone happy. I led groups of strangers through its 500 steps, its spiral staircase, its dripping marble walls, its huge hanging folds of bacon (even after a visit to Carlsbad, I still say Oregon Caves has the best cave bacon), its giant drapery formations, its underground river, its mysterious passageways running off in all directions. I lived in a cedar-bark covered building in a firetrap of a forested canyon, the cave waiting behind a locked door in the side of the mountain. One summer at the caves gave me enough material for a couple of books which I am formulating in my head.
So now, years later and thousands of miles away in the flatlands of Minnesota, I have come to miss my old cave. A subterranean homesickness of sorts. So I Googled, and found there are a few cave in the Upper Midwest to visit. The closest natural cave was in Western Wisconsin. I kidnapped the parents and we went for a visit.
The cave was "Crystal Cave", the name given to any cave in a pinch. This sounded promising. Crystals! I like crystals. They're relatively rare in public caves, which have often been raked over by souvenier hunters from the pre-conservation era. They're pretty and they sparkle. Not far from the Twin Cities, the drive was also chance to see the idyllic Wisconsin countryside. After an enjoyable journey, we arrived at the cave, and were optimistic - a well-chosen book selection in the bookstore seem to imply appreciation for the science of the underworld. The overbuilding was cottage-like, implying the possible presence of Hobbits.
Ah yes, Hobbits. Tiny creatures who live in small houses. How appropriate. This limestone cave, it turns out, is the size of a walk-in closet. Ok, I exaggerate, it's about a mile long, but most of it is inaccessable, and the portions that are seen are, er, modest. This is the highlight:
The short passageways and extreme damage to the cave - I would estimate 90% of the larger formations have been destroyed, probably many years ago, and algae is out of control - left us underwhelmed. Add to it a fake underground stream (the cave doesn't naturally have one) that is pumped in, and this is about the least authentic "real" cave I've visited since the atrocious Shasta Caverns in Northern California. That said, the tour guide, though very young and inexperienced, did have a scientifically accurate curriculum, which has to be appreciated as our culture grows less literate in science by the day.
Overall, the high level of bat activity - they're literally in every room this time of year - made the cave worth a visit. The guides would be wise to learn more about the bats and have more fun talking about them. The little brown bat pictured at right swooped back and forth, back and forth, and then curled up for a snooze directly above our heads.
The soda straws pictured above are actually quite impressive and worth a look as well. Quite a large number in one place and most are undamaged. The formations, which are hollow, like a straw, are quite pretty in the light and more numerous than found at many larger show caves. And though the final attraction of the tour involves tour guests smashing coins into the wall of the cave (it's a clay wall, but still a bit shocking to a former National Park guide), the kids love the glittering walls of the coin room, and it is the closest this cave comes to living up to the sparkles implied in its name.
It is hard to fully appreciate a relatively tiny cave that has been so utterly manhandled by its previous owners (I believe the current owners are relatively recent). But it is the only game in town for caves in Western Wisconsin, and there is some good science to be picked up by the young ones on the tour. Still, this cave did little to alleviate my cavesickness, and so the next weekend I got on the road again - this time to Harmony, Minnesota. Part 2 comes later this week, when we visit a totally different cave, and one that captured my imagination.
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